„They can let you our of jail now, because they have put the jail inside your mind.“ Starhawk.
Mocking other people was a pattern that ran in our family. Whatever could serve as a pretext to scorn: Hungarian accent in Slovak, funny looks, intelligence (or seeming lack of it), different political opinions or lifestyles, all was commonly dealt with sarcasm and mocking in the environment where I was growing up. And a lot, I mean, a lot. Daily.
Was it conscious? No. Most of our patterns are still unconscious. Welcome to the state of evolution we are in. Embrace it.
Did I feel bad about making fun of our neighbours, other family members, acquaintances and strangers? No. But I was sensitive to sarcasm aimed at me, of course. It hurt, obviously. Life sometimes hurts, as songs go.
Unconscious patters run deep, unnoticed, and it requires a will of a warrior to recognize their existence and to start healing them.
What we pick in the childhood, feels normal. A norm.
Did I mock others myself? Of course. It was an adopted normal.
Scorn hides shame and humiliation. Shame and humiliation are the shadows of the third chakra, which – when balanced – is the seat of our autonomy, activity, vitality. Anything connected to food and metabolism is also related to the third chakra. Solar area belongs to the element of fire. The symbol colour is yellow.
A true success cannot come along without bringing the shadows of the third chakra to the light. We are here in the business of building a heathy ego. An ego safely anchored in feelings and emotions of lower chakras, the realms of earth and water, can further move upwards, to the heart centre and towards all higher chakras. We need an ego that becomes the engine of our dharma (a unique path).
On the level of behaviour, the third chakra shadow shows itself in different ways. When we are not connected to our own power and the energy centres are not aligned, we compel, rebel, withdraw or manipulate. Often not even noticing these strategies.
Desire to dominate? Excessive third chakra.
Victim mentality? Deficient third chakra.
A balanced one? We are in our true power. Responsible. Reliable. Confident. Spontanous. Warm and much more.
Transformation is the business of the third chakra called manipura , so there is a standing invitation to come out of copying mechanisms and old patterns. Not a job for sissies.
As a result of my wounding, I used to be oversensitive to any critic and mocking, dreaded remarks, hence in need of over protecting myself. This copying mechanism often paraded as a bravado, extravert nature and boldness. People who do extremely well in the world, gaining wealth and success, often carry this same wounding, and behind their achievements there is a dread of not being enough. Deep fears.
Are we bound to hurt each other? Yes. The closer, the more chances and opportunities for hurting.
Did I show true colours to people I cared about?
Never, never, never. Danger zone.
Did I receive a lot of depreciation? Quite a dose. From peers, boyfriends, other wounded human beings. I believe we all know that. I gulped the pain, numbed it, and continued explorations. Nothing is ever lost, time does not heal, the residues of emotional pain stay imprinted in the energetic body.
The key to change anything is awareness: gently disarming inner guards who do not let us enter our own vulnerability. Holding – letting go – holding – letting go – holding – letting go. And on and on. This is the way of a warrior stepping into her/his own power. The power to own all feelings. The power to drop resistance and become responsible for all the feelings and actions. If we blame somebody or something for what we experience, we are not in our power. Enlightening is a series of softening, though parents, schools and societies teach us the very opposite.
Our nervous system cannot be stretched infinitely, suppression, pretence, resistance and outward aiming fights fail us at a certain point. It is already happening, individually, and collectively. A good piece of news and a next step in our evolution.
Based on my current inspirations: Richard Rudd and Gene Keys. John Bradshaw and his loving contribution to inner child´s traumas healing. My ever favourite companion, the book by Anodea Judith: Eastern Body, Western Mind.
And… and this is perhaps the best piece: Thankful and grateful to the few people who let me be part of their vulnerability and to whom I finally can show my true colours without a risk of being ridiculed.
